Peace, perfect peace

Finding tranquility away from the bustle

For those who celebrate Christmas, the festive hustle and bustle is fast approaching. Thoughts creep in like how to create the perfect place setting, the buying of appropriate gifts that everyone will love and the imagery of listening to laughter from all the family gathered around a perfectly decorated house….oh the bliss! When all of this is in place, what peace it will bring!

Myth 1

Perfection does exists if you try hard enough.

Reality check 1

Is there really such a thing as perfection? We have images in our minds, probably from very clever advertising, of what it looks like. But in reality, life is never finished, there will always be something else that can be done. If we keep striving for what we think will make things even better, we will never truly appreciate what already exists.

Myth 2

Everybody cares if your baubles match your deco.

Reality check 2

No, they really don’t! We may have very high expectations of ourselves but rarely do people judge our colour schemes or bauble placement. Some people, at best, accept the effort we have gone to and admire our artistry and uniqueness. Most however fail to notice the details that mattered so much to us and just see a decorated space, which either inspires them or reminds them to get a move on with theirs.

Myth 3

Traditions bring people closer

Reality check 3

Whilst, it is true, culture relies on repeat performances, individual traditions can be stressful, onerous and a source of tension and disappointment. If we do something one year because the circumstances were right and it felt good at the time to do so, we are not obliged to repeat it.. ever! If we really do not want to repeat actions year in year out then, planning ahead for those awkward conversations on what will be happening will set us free. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it for many years to come.

Let’s have a radical rethink

If overwhelm, anger and disappointment are regular, dominant thoughts, what could happen if we put our own wishes first?

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This may need a bah humbug warning for those who are perfectly happy with their festive lot, who may enjoy all the chaos before the last minute breath of calm knowing there simply is not time left for you to do anymore prep. To those people, you may want to skip the next bolded section.

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It’s taken many years of disappointment, false expectations and feelings of failure to really question what perfection is for me at, what could be called, the most pressured, stressful time of the year. I was lulled, for many years, into believing that it was normal and expected to feel all this ick. Christmas, I was led to believe, was all about a frenzy led searching, relationship negotiating, over spending, bauble matching and putting on a spectacular light show.

I am here to tell you that festive life can be different if you want it to be. (reality check 4: this is perfectly possible) I am much older and wiser now, a grandmother keen to pass on the chill element of the season to minds that are already seeing the madness of it.

Now my peaceful, festive time includes a mindful, close observation of the nature of the season. My peace comes from noticing the crispness of the air, biting my fingers and toes as I walk outside on a dark, starry nights. It involves my joy at seeing glittery pavements, frosting over as the temperatures plummet. The inner stillness that emerges whilst walking in the countryside or the bracing glance out onto the horizon of the North East coast, brings ease and room in my heart centre. I go out of my way to wake early to witness the spectacular sunrises delivered most mornings, soon to follow, with these shortened days, equally beautiful, breathtaking sunsets.

This month, for the first time, I am going on a writing retreat for a few days. A short time in a tiny cottage overlooking the most dramatic scenery of the Yorkshire Dales to totally get away from it all and immerse myself in this blissful activity that brings me the most extraordinary joy. I am going with a writerly friend, so all will be safe and well.

So for December, what could we have more or less of to bring us peace. Here are a few ideas to consider this year.

Less crowded shopping malls……………………………………More fresh air

Less expensive panic buys…………………………….. More mindful tokens of love

Less rushing about……………………………….………………. More blissful rest

Less following unwelcome traditions……………………. More new memories

Less bright lights…………………………………………………………More candlelight

Less expectations………………………………………….…… More meaningful conversations

Less plastic…………………………………………………………………….More natural

We may be witness to the flurry of soft snowflakes gently falling, turning the environs into a magical, winter scene. We may see peace and goodwill whilst we go about our present buying. We may chose to shake things up a little bit to bring us deeper connection to ourselves . Whatever you choose, have a peaceful December.

I am curious:

What do you do at this time of year that brings you peace? Please share in the comments, it might change someone’s life.

If you know of anybody who is suffering from overwhelm this festive season, please share this if it will be of any help.